You don't have to put yourself in environments that make you feel uncomfortable. If you do, then you're doing yourself a disservice and causing harm toward your mental hygiene. Mental hygiene is the way you keep your mind and your emotions clean and spiffy.
Just like we need to stay hygienic with our physical bodies by brushing our teeth, taking showers and exercising, it's equally as important to place ourselves in healthy environments that support our happiness and social well being. If gay nightclubs and dating apps support your mental hygiene, than by all means keep doing what you're doing.
But you don't need to keep putting yourself in circumstances that don't align with your values and comfort level. You can make friends in a plethora of other places! All you need to do is ask yourself one question: Do you value health?
Gay Friends groups in New York
Do you value education? Do you value giving back to communities through volunteerism and entrepreneurship? When you identify your values, then you can pick and choose communities that align with your values. There are plenty of gay specific communities that align with each and every value. There are gay sports leagues, gay hiking groups and even gay video-game groups! There are many options to make friends in the gay community whether or not you're introverted, extroverted, shy or fearful to express yourself.
All you need to do is identify your values, find locations where like-minded people hang out and introduce yourself to people in those communities. When you have the opportunity to give back and do something for the community, you'll be of service to others and there's no greater feeling than knowing you're supporting other people in their growth and development. That's a sure fire way to make friends without ever setting foot in a nightclub while getting intoxicated or getting a message from some weirdo asking you for a blow job.
I hope you'll take the time identify your values and think about what's important to you in your life. You deserve to belong to a community that's friendly and supportive. Like I tell all of my students and clients: Take advantage of every opportunity presented to you to share your gifts with the world. In New York, that says a lot. This new friends-only feature on the popular app allows users to sift through platonic suitors.
More info coming soon!
One caveat: I know. Right off the bat, it was clear that the number of people in the friend zone was far lower than in the dating pool. But soon my phone beeped with my first match huzzah! A call for an emergency surgery on his end nixed our gym sesh.
Here’s what happens when 4 adults try to make new friends in NYC
I then exchanged numbers with a recent L. The verdict? Think of RentAFriend as prostitution but without the sex stuff, a website where you can throw down some moolah to hang out with someone. It sounds icky. Since I was already planning on going to a rooftop party that night, I posted that I was looking for someone to hang out with on a roof in midtown for an hour.
An hour went by with no responses, then all of a sudden, 24 folks were interested in hanging out that night. I messaged six of them asking if they were interested in going. The other guessed that I was writing a story on the experience, based on my listed occupation, and declined. The third agreed to meet me outside the bar at 8pm. As I approached the bar, a recognizable face walked past me on the street. We headed up to the roof, and as we waited to get a drink, a random woman offered him her mistakenly poured cocktail.
It was then that I knew we would have an enjoyable hour together.
Three rounds later—after we talked about our jobs, shared details on our love lives and got photos with two tall women in headdresses—we headed back down to the street. Those people are most likely coming off weird. Here is an idea, join a club, an event, a charity, or some other place where gay people hang out. I have way more gay friends then straight. I attend more gay culture functions then straight oriented.
Find It Hard To Make Gay Friends? You’re Not Alone. / Queerty
Most if not all of my interactions with straights are at work. Specially on Church St. The lines got blurry for me once. I was lying to myself about what our situation was, it hurt [me], took a long time and an ocean apart to get over. How many people do we really meet that have much substance to them anyway? It is all about quality. Definitely has been harder to make them.
Some are general social, others have a specific interest, like getting outside into nature, board games, tennis, surfing, Ren-Faire, etc. I belong to three social groups: Try one or more groups, and not just once but stick around for a few months at least, to see if you and they click together. I think that Atticus has made some very good points about internalized homophobia.
They need to look elsewhere to find alternative interest groups within the gay community such as hiking, spiritual, sports, arts etc. Bingo yeah I prefer people who are down to earth and With a low level of being judgmental of others looks and coolness which eliminates about 95 percent of gay people. I feel like I would not be accepted into that catagory of gay guys and that they would never find me attractive.
I just hope someday I can like myself enough to not care what the model gays think is normal. This one puzzles me.
My gay friends who physically survived seem to be forever, and usually even outlast a move to a new city. Maybe the decline of gay bars is a problem here. Grindr may be efficient for hooking up, but gay bars had a much bigger role than that. Never really thought about it before now, but Cam hits on it: You might even be helpful in some charity or political issue. I find it difficult as everything is geared towards dating and joining a group is so much like hard work and no guarantee of any gays being there.
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I shoot a lot of weddings and meet a ton of people, sadly most are in neighboring states and I never keep in touch. Be yourself, If you keep running into someone, ask them if they want to get lunch or see a concert. Small things you have in common can be a great icebreaker. Friendships have always been very easy for me to make with ALL people.
I make friends through people I come into contact with, see how we connect and nurture them from there. So my circle expands exponentially from all that. Its a matter of knowing who you like having around you. The idea that there could be some sexual tension, is unheard of with me. Most gay friends I make are from all walks of life- many older than I am. I have also never been in a situation where a friend makes moves on me or tries to kiss me or whatever…lol.
Well since my life doesnt revolve around a bar annd drug addiction as well as bath houses and anonymous sex My straight friends are fine. I do not miss gay friends. I am always happy to make friends! My partner is very possessive tho and thinks all gay friends are potential notches on the bedpost! Most gay guys, yourself included, have some internalized homophobia to work through. That is normal. A lot of men do insist on sexualizing interactions. Maybe they believe the catty accusations from guys like you who claim to have perceived success with gay friendships and turn around and, in so many words, label them losers or that something is wrong with them I would think gay people would be particularly sensitive to that criticism.
Like what you see?
They are out there in spades, you can pretend otherwise to prop up your countershame tirade all you want. All the energy goes to finger-pointing at hateful Christians, etc. Maybe there is a new gen of guys out there who in a time of increased acceptance and understanding about what it means to be gay are left to their own devices.
This conversation requires thinking for yourself, not just regurgitating PC speak.
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Hence why straight men hang casually with other men but manage their interactions with women. Most women to them have potential sexually. Gay men are usually very sex-centric. I mean, simply defining yourself by your sexuality is a sex-centric act in itself. Sex-centric men just want to have sex and not much more. It seems some men who supposedly have friendship circles are actually codependent or usey types. All that glitters is not gold. It is tough, you should spend time with people you like.